Rights vs. Privileges

It's winter break right now, and I was sitting and thinking about how Michael is really starting to grow up into an individual with his own strong personality.  One of the big challenges we're facing is drawing reasonable limits on what he can and cannot do, and raising him so that he respects authority figures like parents and teachers, but still has creative freedom to learn and explore the world around him.  It's not an easy task.

I've given a lot of thought to what I would consider "rights" (things that are guaranteed to Michael regardless of his behavior) and "privileges" (things that can be earned/taken away based on good/bad behavior).

I'm writing these down, and someday when he's much older I'll share this list with him.

Rights:

• Unlimited healthy food.  You can eat as much rice, homegrown garden vegetables, fruits, meats, fish, soups as you possibly can want or need.  You can drink as much water, milk, or juice as you possibly can want or need.
• A safe home, where you are physically, mentally, and emotionally safe and nurtured.
• Being a part of the family and having your voice heard.  We may not always let you do what you want, but you are a respected member of the family with the same seriousness and attention given to your thoughts and ideas as any of the grown-ups (Mommy, Daddy, Grandma, Grandpa).
• Attentive parents.  I try my best to play with you everyday, and when we play (train table, learn numbers, go to the mall, etc.), I try to make sure that I am "there" and not checking my email on my phone or thinking about work.  There are times when as a grown-up, I cannot help but have to take care of things like insurance and bills.  I try to make it clear when I am working on important stuff and communicate when I will be able to spend time with you.
• Education.  We're teaching you everything that we can, and when you go off to school, we'll be active and involved in your education.  We're learning how to count and learning numbers right now.  You already speak English and Cantonese fluently, and you are very capable of expressing your thoughts and ideas in both languages, as well as negotating and discussing in both.
• Unconditional Love.

Privileges:

• iPad, iPhone time.  Mommy and Daddy reserve the right to limit time on all iOS devices.  This even includes "educational" programs on the iPad and iPhone.  We don't believe that it's good to keep staring at a screen at such a young age, not good for the eyes.  Also, any tantrums toward these expensive devices will mean that they are immediately taken away.  You have this game you really like to play on the iPad, "Max and the Magic Marker."  It's a difficult game, platform side-scroller with a lot of jumping.  You often get frustrated and start hitting the screen, when that happens we take the iPad away immediately without further explanation or negotiation.
• Computer games.  You really like the site candystand.com, where they have a bunch of car driving games.  I will play these with you, but when I say we've played enough, we're done playing.  You're getting better at realizing and accepting when I say "enough games", instead of throwing a tantrum and demanding to play more.
• Coca-cola.  The only way you ever get your hands on soda is when Grandma and Grandpa bring it over.  I think every kid should be able to experience and enjoy some junk food, but it definitely is not a staple food at home.  I don't buy it, Mommy doesn't buy it, so you get a few cans when Grandma and Grandpa bring Coca-cola.
• Climbing on things.  It's a tough balance, I want you to be physical and active, but I don't want you walking across the dining room table (had to put a stop to that tonight), or waiting until my attention is on your baby sister and pushing the chair over and climbing up the filing cabinet.

New additions 2013-01-21:

Privileges:

• Going out.  We try to take you out as much as we can, since you are an active child and we want you to see and experience the world.  However, there are times when we have to get things done, and need you to behave.  For example, when we go to Home Depot and I have to buy a big ticket item, there is a good chance that I need to focus on that, and I really cannot let you run amok in the store.  Tantrums and misbehavior in public will result in shopping trip or outing being concluded early and being taken home.